Jai Srila Gurudeva!

om ajnana timirandhasya jnananjana salakaya
caksur unmilitam yena tasmai sri gurave namah

O Gurudeva, you are so merciful. I offer my humble pranama unto you and am praying from the core of my heart that, with the torchlight of divine knowledge, you open my eyes which have been blinded by the darkness of ignorance.

nama om vishnu padaya radhikayai priyatmane sri srimad bhaktivedanta narayana iti namine

I offer pranama to om vishnupada Sri Srimad Bhaktivedanta Narayana Maharaja, who is very dear to Srimati Radhika.

sri krishna lila kathane sudaksam
audarya madhurya gunais ca yuktam
varam varenyam purusam mahantam
narayanam tvam sirasa namami

Srila Narayana Maharaja is expert in describing krsna-lila. He is endowed with the qualities of magnanimity and sweetness, and he is the best of the great souls. Because he is always relishing Krsna's sweetness, he is able to freely distribute that sweetness to others. I bow down and place my head at his lotus feet.

tridandinam bhakta siromanim ca sri krsna padabja dhrtaika hrdi
caitanya lilamrta sara saram narayanam tvam satatam prapadye

Tridandi-sannyasi Srila Narayana Maharaja, the crown jewel of devotees, always keeps in his heart the lotus feet of Radha and Krsna, especially when Krsna serves Srimati Radhika. He deeply meditates on Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and the internal reasons for His descent. I bow down to the lotus feet of Srila Narayana Maharaja, who possesses innumerable transcendental qualities.

= = =

Tomorrow is the holy disappearance day of my beloved spiritual master, Srila Bhaktivedanta Narayana Goswami Maharaja. I do not know where to begin in glorifying him or sharing his pastimes and sweetness. I do not feel at all qualified to speak on him in any way, and yet tomorrow I will be asked to speak, and I do want to say something.

Earlier in the year I wrote a poem for him...perhaps I will write another poem. This morning at the temple I live at we spoke on verse 11.11.32 of the Srimad Bhagavatam, in which 28 qualities of a saintly person are described. We picked the first two - merciful, and not taking offense even when people say offensive things about him - and spoke on how Srila Gurudeva is a perfect example of these two qualities.

Many times people would slander my Gurudeva horribly, but he said he considered them as children, and did not take offense. To each who came to him, he would treat them very affectionately. And to those who, very late, realized his potency and purity, he accepted their offerings.

I have one close person to me who, during my Gurudeva's last tour of the West, made a garland for him - after years of feeling unfavorable and disinclined to his lotus feet - and at first he simply let the garland stay on his table in front of him. She thought, "Maybe I am too offensive, so he won't accept it." Then my Gurudeva accepted that garland, and wore it for the whole class (which he doesn't usually do). How merciful! And just see how he does not take offense.

There is so much to say on Gurudeva...I did not get a lot of association, but even just a glance from him was association and filled with nectar. I have never met anyone else who could affect me so. He could make me cry with a laugh, or make me feel about to burst with happiness. His gaze was very sweet, and he could convey so much just by it - chastisement, or joy, approval, so many things.

Once, I was sitting in class and he looked at me. His gaze was so powerful. Just by having him look into my eyes with his beautiful blue eyes, I felt blessed. I wanted to share that glance with him forever. But his gaze was so powerful! I was the first to look away. Perhaps he was slicing anarthas away from me with his glance, and that was why I could not keep my gaze locked with his - I am so material and offensive.


I also feel so blessed to have offered him a little service, just a little. Each year I would greet him every morning with flowers. It felt like I was offering my heart, and it felt like each flower bound me tighter and tighter to Srila Gurudeva. One year, I worked at a booth selling posters of Syamarani didi's art inspired by Srila Gurudeva's transcendental harikatha and rose-like heart. When my Gurudeva heard that I had helped in this service, he gave me a very brilliant, sweet smile. I felt like it was a shot of love injected in my heart to stay there forever. That was one of the times I had made extra effort to serve him; it was one of the first times I felt, "Oh, I belong to this person - not to myself, not to family, but to him, this beautiful personality smiling at me."

He has so much love...it can flood the universe. I feel so indebted to have received that love...I am a small, nothing person, who does not learn - even after years of hearing his harikatha, I did not follow, I do not follow, I remain so confused and lost sometimes - and yet he accepted me, and he will never, ever let go. It is said that just ONE MOMENT with a pure devotee makes one's life successful...so how fortunate am I, to have gotten momentS, days, with His Divine Grace Srila Bhaktivedanta Narayana Goswami Maharaja? It is truly making the impossible possible, that I can have hope of serving Srimati Radhika and Krsna - and Gurudeva has given me this hope.

I want to share a song he wrote:

LYRICS:

(Refrain)

vraja-jana-mana-sukhakārī

rādhe syām syāmā syām

(1)

mor mukuṭa makarākṛta-kuṇḍala, gala vaijayantī-māla,

caraṇana nūpura rasāla

rādhe syām syāmā syām

(2)

sundara vadana kamala-dala locana, bākī cita-vana-hārī,

mohana-vaḿśī-vihārī

rādhe syām syāmā syām

(3)

vṛndāvana mê dhenu carāve, gopī-jana manahārī

śrī govardhana-dhārī

rādhe syām syāmā syām

(4)

rādhā-kṛṣṇa mili aba dou, gaura-rūpa avatārī

kīrtana dharma pracārī

rādhe syām syāmā syām

(5)

tum vinā mere aur na koi, nāma-rūpa avatārī

caraṇana meń balihārī,

nārāyaṇa balihārī,

rādhe syām syāmā syām

TRANSLATION

(Refrain) Krsna gives happiness in the hearts of all the Vrajavasis - Radhe! Syama! Syama! Syama!

1) He wears a peacock feather mukut, swinging makara-shaped earrings and a vaijayanti garland around His neck, and the sound of His anklebells is full of rasa! Radhe! Syama! Syama! Syama!

2) His lotus face is very beautiful and His eyes are like lotus-petals. Wandering here and there, He charms everyone with His flute and threefold curved form! Radhe! Syama! Syama! Syama!

3) In Vrndavana He tends the cows in the pastures, steals the gopis' minds, and holds up Sri Govardhana Hill! Radhe! Syama! Syama! Syama!

4) Sri Radha-Krsna have united and now the two have come as the beautiful golden avatara, preaching kirtana-dharma. Radhe! Syama! Syama! Syama!

5) I have no one but You in this world. You descend as the avatara of the beautiful name and beautiful form. Your lotus feet fill me with wonder - so this Narayana is filled with delight! Radhe! Syama! Syama! Syama!

Jai Srila Gurudeva! May his glories spread everywhere, and may I some day get the dust of his lotus feet not only externally, but internally, so that I can understand his heart and please him to the utmost...

- in service of sri guru and vaisnavas

Maintaining Eagerness

PICTURES LATER, SORRY


The following is from a booklet of lectures called "After the Disappearance of Sri Guru" by Srila Gour Govinda Swami:


Devotee asks: I was eager to have guru. Now I have guru, but how do I maintain this constant eagerness?

Srila Gour Govinda Maharaja: You must maintain it by thinking, "Out of Krishna's mercy I met my guru. But how can I always get the association of my guru?"

You should be very eager to always have the association of guru and listen to him. Unless you listen to your guru, your doubts cannot be dispelled. If you cannot get the mercy of guru, you cannot get Krishna. So you should be very, very eager, "How can I best serve my guru and please him?"

If gurudeva is pleased, then Krishna will be pleased and and you will get Krishna's mercy; if gurudeva is displeased then where is your position, where is your place? So our concern, our duty, is to please the spiritual master. How is that done?

guru mukha padma vakya, cittete koriya aikya, ara na kariha mana asa
One should carry out the orders of the spiritual master. Gurudeva has many instructions. Some of his instructions are general, and some are specific. General instructions are for everyone. Specific instructions are what he tells specific, individual disciples. One should be especially eager to follow the individual instructions that gurudeva gave to you.

One should think, "Gurudeva has ordered me to do this. How can I best do it? How can I best please my spiritual master? How can I best serve and please him? Doing so I will get the mercy of Krishna. Otherwise, my life is unsuccessful."

...One should think, "Oh, I can't do anything. I'm such a wretched, unqualified, unworthy person! I cannot render any service to my guru. I cannot please him. I have not gotten anything. I have not got the mercy of my guru. I have not pleased him. I have not taken advantage of meeting my guru. Oh, what shall I do? I have not done anything. I do not have the mercy of my guru! How can I get his mercy?"

You should always think like that. ...This is how you maintain eagerness.



Srila Gour Govinda Maharaja ki jai!

At one point he adds that one should not think, "I have got guru, I have pleased him," because then we will not have eagerness.

In some ways I think this is hard, and painful - to think that we have not gotten the mercy, when we are so fortunate to have met Srila Gurudeva. But, we have to have that greed for more, for his mercy, greed to be a good disciple, to follow his instructions. And I have found that when I am trying to be humble and when I am thinking, "Am I pleasing guru?" then actually there is a kind of spiritual satisfaction that comes, somehow, of knowing this is good, to think like this...

I want to maintain eagerness.

If anyone has anything to add, please do.

Sincerely serve and take shelter of Sri Guru

om ajnana timirandhasya jnananjana salakaya
caksur unmilitam yena tasmai sri gurave namah
O Gurudeva, you are so merciful. I offer my humble pranama unto you and am praying from the core of my heart that, with the torchlight of divine knowledge, you open my eyes which have been blinded by the darkness of ignorance.

Just recently I picked up the book "The Principle of Sri Guru and Service to Sri Guru," by Sripad BV Madhava Maharaja. This book is very wonderful, as is its author, and elucidates so many truths on sri guru.

While reading it, I became very humbled. One part lists the qualities of a disciple who has sraddha, or firm faith, and I realized most definitely that I do not fit in that category. Another part, which I am going to share, I found very encouraging for its simplicity and loving mood. Reading this part answered a question that had been floating in my mind, many questions actually, such as, how to progress? And how to become a strong devotee and disciple?

Here is the excerpt:

"...if the neophyte sevaka is sincere and takes full shelter of Srila Gurudeva and the senior Vaisnavas, he will quickly be able to progress to the intermediate level, at which his determination to serve Gurudeva will be focused and strong. One who reaches the intermediate level is said to be mahabhagyavan, 'greatly fortunate.'" [CC Madhya Lila 22.67]

When I read this, I thought of myself and also of jiva souls in general. I thought how, if only I could realize how Gurudeva is my only shelter, and appreciate what he has given, then I could serve him every moment - heart, mind, body, words. Gurudeva said once that we can never repay him for what he has given, not in a million lifetimes. And yet still we should try, we should serve him, to show our gratefulness. Instead, I am in maya, and my mind is so weak, and I do not make extra effort.

I thought of examples we have where people take shelter of Krsna, and how we should follow these examples and take shelter of Guru. For example, Draupadi, she gave up the idea of independence and control, knowing Krsna as her only shelter (when the Kauravas were trying to disrobe her), so she literally threw up her arms and cried out, "Govinda! Krsna!" Because of her immense affection, because of her begging, Krsna gave her mercy and helped her; and also because he is so merciful.

We want to attract Krsna to us. Guru has already attracted Krsna; he can give us Krsna. If I can just take shelter sincerely at Gurudeva's lotus feet, than my life will be successful.

Today here in New Braj, Kishori Mohan prabhu gave a very nice class that is relevant to this post. He said many good things, but one was, we should be like a dog, and guru is our master. The dog has affection for master, he follows him always, he does not compromise and wander away, he barks when someone ambivalent to his master comes along, and he is controlled by the instructions of the master. So by following guru's instructions and serving, sincerely, then as Sripad BV Madhava Maharaja says, we can become strong! I want to become strong, and focused, and progress.

Jai Srila Gurudeva! Jai Srila Prabhupada! Jai Sripad BV Madhava! All glories to the vaishnavas!

One should endeavor with great eagerness for spiritual attachment

om ajnana timirandhasya jnananjana salakaya
caksur unmilitam yena tasmai sri gurave namah
O Gurudeva, you are so merciful. I offer my humble pranama unto you and am praying from the core of my heart that, with the torchlight of divine knowledge, you open my eyes which have been blinded by the darkness of ignorance.

Today I am sharing from Srila Raghunath Das Goswami's Sri Manah Siksa. This book has the commentary of Srila Bhaktivinode Thakura and Srila Gurudeva. Gurudeva instructs that we should read Upadesamrta, then Manah Siksa, etc. So this book is very important. I actually haven't read it before, so I was happy to read it. I might read it again, because there is so much in it, and I sortof whisked through it; I'm not able to take it all in, anyway.

Just think! Manah Siksa before Upadesamrta. And both of those before Bhagavad Gita...I find Upadesamrta intimidating, myself. So many things in it and Manah Siksa are beyond...but I guess it's supposed to be like that. They tell us the goal. Gurudeva says that Bhagavad Gita is the doorway to surrender; the doorway to Srimad Bhagavatam.
Anyway, the topic of this bit is, spiritual attachment versus material attachment, how spiritual attachment is true attachment -atma rati, our soul's attachment - and should be endeavored for with eagerness.

This part of the commentary is by Srila Gurudeva:

Apurva Rati
Atma rati or rati of the soul is pure rati (spiritual attachment). The jiva is by nature a servant of Krsna. Pure krsna-rati is present in his spiritual form. But when the jiva is diverted from Krsna and bound by maya, his rati (material attachment) is directed toward perishable material objects. This perverted rati which is connected with maya is incidental and distressful.

It is only in pure krsna-bhakti that rati of the soul finds its place. In other words, pure krsna-prema is itself atma-rati, because Sri Krsna is the Supersoul of all souls. In its mature state, the more this pure atma-rati evolves, the more it is known as apurva-rati or unprecedented spiritual attachment.

Atitaram kuru: Make Intensive Endeavors
One should endeavor with great eagerness to obtain atma-rati. One should not remain complacent thinking that bhakti will arise of its own accord by some good fortune. The more one's spiritual strength increases, the more the effects of one's karmic activities will diminish, and without doubt one will obtain the mercy of pure devotees and the Supreme Lord.
The purport of this instruction is that as long as the desire for reward-seeking activity is not diminished by the association of devotees, sraddha will not arise. As long as sraddha or deep faith does not arise, one is unfit to hear and assimilate harikatha and spiritual instructions.

When, by good fortune, paramarthika or transcendental sraddha arises, one should take shelter of a diksa-guru and receive the sri yugala-mantra. Having obtained this mantra, one should worship the diksa and siksa gurus with intense attachment or atma-rati.

One should not be satisfied simply to offer respect to Sri Gurudeva considering him to be a mere sage. Rather, one should serve him with love and devotion, accepting him as one's dearest friend and well-wisher. The three kinds of Vaisnava devotees - kanistha, madhyama, and uttama - should be offered respects suitably and received with affection. One should cultivate true attachment to harinama and the mantra given by one's diksa guru. Considering Sri Sri Radha-Krsna Yugala to be one's life and soul, one should take shelter at Their lotus feet.

I really enjoyed reading this. I found it very encouraging, and I also feel like it explains why so many times I heard Gurudeva, but I didn't *really* hear, because I still have material desires. I feel encouraged, like if I just take shelter of guru and cultivate love and affection, I will be okay; Gurudeva said that guru and Krsna are always supporting and protecting us. So of course, they are taking care of me, too.

The root of the creeper of divine love

om ajnana timirandhasya jnananjana salakaya
caksur unmilitam yena tasmai sri gurave namah

O Gurudeva, you are so merciful. I offer my humble pranama unto you and am praying from the core of my heart that, with the torchlight of divine knowledge, you open my eyes which have been blinded by the darkness of ignorance.

suddha-bhakata-carana-renu, bhajana-anukula
bhakata-seva, parama-siddhi, prema-latikare mula

"Dust from the lotus feet of pure devotees is very favorable for bhajana, and service to the vaishnavas is the highest perfection and the very root of the tender creeper of divine love."

I read this quoted in a book this morning, and just had to share it.

Rereading it again, I am thinking, look at the word, "tender". The creeper of divine love is tender. We have to take very special care of it. Any slight move - an animal in the garden, a strong wind - may uproot that small, tender creeper.

We have to water it. And by the mercy of the pure devotees, their divine love floods into our hearts whether we want it or not, and waters that creeper. But we have to work to water it, too, and to not do anything that might hurt it. It is fragile.

And also, that word "root" is very important. The root is how the plant stays grounded, and by watering the root, all the leaves, flowers, and branches of the creeper come. If we just plop the water anywhere, the plant may wilt; it is important that we pay specific attention to the root.

Srila Bhaktivinode Thakura is giving us the answer to how our spiritual lives can thrive. By hearing, reading, thinking of, and striving to follow the instructions of the pure devotees, and by honoring and serving the vaishnavas, we can water this root. Thus we can some day get branches and flowers on our creeper, so it can become a grown up plant!

Then, as Gurudeva said, he can offer us as a flower at Srimati Radhika's lotus feet...



Please forgive me if I have made this sound like a class or some such; I am not at all worthy of giving any class, I only mean to share some thoughts on what I read. May all the vaishnavas and vaishnavis bless me so that I may serve my Gurudeva in some way.