a little poem

I bow my head before the Lord
Who holds aloft a mighty sword
The sword, Sri Guru, brings us light
To carry us throughout the night

Saved from monsters by our dear friend
We know that dark will come to end
Just hold on to Sri Guru tight
And then you will survive the fight

No more spinning in birth and death
No more, "Hi, my name is Beth"
We are all das, servant, soul
Pure love of Godhead is our goal

I bow my head before the Lord
praying to Him to get closer toward
The end of suffering - the light!
The bliss and love, the end of night

Glories to that Holiest Name
Glories to they who spread His fame
Glories to Hope, and Love, and Light
Glories to He, seen by true sight

Happiness

om ajnana timirandhasya jnananjana salakaya
caksur unmilitam yena tasmai sri gurave namah

"O Gurudeva, you are so merciful. I offer my humble pranama unto you and am praying from the core of my heart that, with the torchlight of divine knowledge, you open my eyes which have been blinded by the darkness of ignorance."


Here is a beautiful Gurudeva picture along with a quote:

"In this world we see that if I make happy those who are very close to me, then only I am happy. But these relationships are self-centered and by self-interest we do not get any satisfaction. But real satisfaction will come, like Srila Bhaktivinode Thakura is saying [in his Saranagati, 'amara bolite prabhu! are kichu nai...], if you are trying to please Nityananda Prabhu and to please Krsna and Srimati Radhika - then, Their pleasure automatically brings you happiness."

Dearest Krishna

Srila Bhakti Ballabha Tirtha Goswami Maharaja

"There is no difficulty in the worship of Sri Krishna, as He is nearest and dearest. He is residing within our hearts. He is seeing everything. If we sincerely desire to serve Him, He will surely help us. He does not see mundane merits. He sees the sincerity of our hearts, whether we actually want Him or not. One who sincerely wants Him, will surely get Him. You submit all your prayers to Him sincerely. He will fulfill your desires."

Self-forgetfulness

Less today, sorry! Will edit later.



Quick quote post:

"What is love?
That sacrifice that service is rewarded by more intense hankering for service.
A self-giving attitude. That is the remuneration. It will be increased in us more and more. Your serving tendency will be increased if you work as a slave. The appreciation of slavery will be more intensely at His disposal.

Srila B.R. Sridhar Maharaja

"Self-forgetfulness is of a dynamic characer. Self-forgetfulness in totality demands self-forgetfulness. Then we shall be able to feel the deepest plane; the flow of the deepest plane; that plane of the Autocrat within us.

"Our present ego will not allow us to go to the deeper plane, the most fundamental plane of the irresistible flow. It is so subtle, so sweet, and we can go, we can reach that destination. Nothing can oppose us. We can attain that fundamental flow. Self-forgetfulness is of such dynamic character!"

by Srila Bhakti-Rakshak Sriadhar Maharaja

from Sermons of the Guardian of Devotion, Volume 5: Poetry of a Saint

The senses of the one, non-dual Supreme Truth; Praying for worthiness to serve

"The ultimate object of our desires is to become specks of dust at the lotus feet of the followers of Sri Rupa Goswami.
Remain united in following the asraya-vigraha, in order to satisfy the transcendental senses of the one, non-dual Supreme Truth...
May we never under any circumstances becomes indifferent to the seven-tongued sacrificial flame of the Holy Name.
If our attraction to it remains ever-increasing, we will achieve all perfection."

- Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur

"We pray that our commitment to these last instructions of his manifest presence in this world may be unfailing. May we never interpret these words to elicit secondary meanings that allow us to engage in sense gratification, but rather, single-mindedly dedicating all our energies and working together aim for the pleasure of 'the senses of the one, non-dual Supreme Truth,' making it the one and only goal of our lives. If we wish to show our love and faith for our spiritual master, it will be by following these teachings."

- Srila Bhakti Pramode Puri Goswami Maharaja

"...My most worshipable Gurudeva...did not see the faults in anyone; he was most compassionate. We who aspire to become the servants of his servants and to partake of the remnants of his plate, pray to him with all the sincerity at our command that by his causeless mercy he will give us the worthiness to serve him. We pray to him to please make our hearts simple and free from deception; may he forgive us of our offenses, and consider us the servants of his servants, birth after birth. May he free us from the aversions of this world and keep us fixed in service to his lotus feet."

- Srila Bhakti Pramode Puri Maharaja

"We are in a prison - we must make all efforts to free ourselves."

om ajnana timirandhasya jnananjana salakaya
caksur unmilitam yena tasmai sri gurave namah

"O Gurudeva, you are so merciful. I offer my humble pranama unto you and am praying from the core of my heart that, with the torchlight of divine knowledge, you open my eyes which have been blinded by the darkness of ignorance."


Again, apologies for being so terrible at updating this blog. This blog is one of my favorite things to do; one of my favorite ways to engage my mind in Krsna consciousness and in beautiful harikatha. Yet as of late I am not being strict on making time to do it. As of now, I will be stricter.

The following is an excerpt from a class given by Srila Bhaktivedanta Vamana Maharaja [pictured below, within excerpt], on 12 December 1998 Sri Madhav Jiu Gaudiya Math; you can find it in Volume 4, Gaur Purnima issue, of the 2000 edition of Vishva-Vaisnava-Raj-Sabha magazine.

This article/class was SO beautiful, I wish I could put the entire thing in here!

Self Imprisonment

"Right from our birth till our death all the education that we receive, all the experience that we gain, all of them are of a perishable nature. The knowledge we receive helps us somehow to live our lives in this world. In brief, it helps us to find food, to find some clothing, to get a roof.

"That there is a world beyond all this, apart from this, that we are not trained to think about. Why? Just as this world exists, there must also exist the other world. Why don't we learn to think about this other world? Are we destined to remain satisfied with our eating, our wearing clothes and our finding a roof over our heads in this world? Is there nothing else for us to do?

"Our scriptures ask these questions. And our scriptures give the answers.

"We all are saying, 'Oh, we are fine. Why do we want to hear about Krsna or any other such names?' I am amazed at such talk. We do not need to be in this error all the time. If we can understand from our gurus, from Vaisnavas, from sadhus or from the scriptures that we are in a foreign land - we are in a prison - hen we must make all effort to free ourselves.

Srila Bhaktivedanta Vamana Maharaja

"Yet the influence of jada-maya is so great that instead of trying to free ourselves, we want to continue in this prison! A very old jailbird has been released from the prison, but he does not want to go. He turns to all the other thieves, dacoits and ruffians who are there in the prison, and cries out, 'I don't want to go, leaving you here.'

"He does not understand that his real life is outside. He is crying to come back to the prison. Then, even when he is forced to go outside, he will vow to return. 'I'll come back here, if necessary I will again commit the crime of theft...so that I will come back to the prison.'

"This is our situation also. We do not understand what is good and what is bad. Our imprisoned status we consider to be a very good status. The status of peace and happiness. When the Lord has created us as human beings then we must establish our humanity. We must live as human beings. How do we live as human beings? By doing proper deeds as befits human beings.

"...If I want to come away from devotion, then I may live in this world but I do not show that I am a human being. It can not be proven that I am a human being. This is what the Lord Himself has said.

"...We don't have to toil too much. Why? Because those who know more than us, they have already gone through the ocean of the scriptures and from there they have taken out the cream for us...Do not keep yourselves tied down to the search for food, clothing, and a roof."

Jai Srila Gurudeva!

om ajnana timirandhasya jnananjana salakaya
caksur unmilitam yena tasmai sri gurave namah

O Gurudeva, you are so merciful. I offer my humble pranama unto you and am praying from the core of my heart that, with the torchlight of divine knowledge, you open my eyes which have been blinded by the darkness of ignorance.

nama om vishnu padaya radhikayai priyatmane sri srimad bhaktivedanta narayana iti namine

I offer pranama to om vishnupada Sri Srimad Bhaktivedanta Narayana Maharaja, who is very dear to Srimati Radhika.

sri krishna lila kathane sudaksam
audarya madhurya gunais ca yuktam
varam varenyam purusam mahantam
narayanam tvam sirasa namami

Srila Narayana Maharaja is expert in describing krsna-lila. He is endowed with the qualities of magnanimity and sweetness, and he is the best of the great souls. Because he is always relishing Krsna's sweetness, he is able to freely distribute that sweetness to others. I bow down and place my head at his lotus feet.

tridandinam bhakta siromanim ca sri krsna padabja dhrtaika hrdi
caitanya lilamrta sara saram narayanam tvam satatam prapadye

Tridandi-sannyasi Srila Narayana Maharaja, the crown jewel of devotees, always keeps in his heart the lotus feet of Radha and Krsna, especially when Krsna serves Srimati Radhika. He deeply meditates on Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and the internal reasons for His descent. I bow down to the lotus feet of Srila Narayana Maharaja, who possesses innumerable transcendental qualities.

= = =

Tomorrow is the holy disappearance day of my beloved spiritual master, Srila Bhaktivedanta Narayana Goswami Maharaja. I do not know where to begin in glorifying him or sharing his pastimes and sweetness. I do not feel at all qualified to speak on him in any way, and yet tomorrow I will be asked to speak, and I do want to say something.

Earlier in the year I wrote a poem for him...perhaps I will write another poem. This morning at the temple I live at we spoke on verse 11.11.32 of the Srimad Bhagavatam, in which 28 qualities of a saintly person are described. We picked the first two - merciful, and not taking offense even when people say offensive things about him - and spoke on how Srila Gurudeva is a perfect example of these two qualities.

Many times people would slander my Gurudeva horribly, but he said he considered them as children, and did not take offense. To each who came to him, he would treat them very affectionately. And to those who, very late, realized his potency and purity, he accepted their offerings.

I have one close person to me who, during my Gurudeva's last tour of the West, made a garland for him - after years of feeling unfavorable and disinclined to his lotus feet - and at first he simply let the garland stay on his table in front of him. She thought, "Maybe I am too offensive, so he won't accept it." Then my Gurudeva accepted that garland, and wore it for the whole class (which he doesn't usually do). How merciful! And just see how he does not take offense.

There is so much to say on Gurudeva...I did not get a lot of association, but even just a glance from him was association and filled with nectar. I have never met anyone else who could affect me so. He could make me cry with a laugh, or make me feel about to burst with happiness. His gaze was very sweet, and he could convey so much just by it - chastisement, or joy, approval, so many things.

Once, I was sitting in class and he looked at me. His gaze was so powerful. Just by having him look into my eyes with his beautiful blue eyes, I felt blessed. I wanted to share that glance with him forever. But his gaze was so powerful! I was the first to look away. Perhaps he was slicing anarthas away from me with his glance, and that was why I could not keep my gaze locked with his - I am so material and offensive.


I also feel so blessed to have offered him a little service, just a little. Each year I would greet him every morning with flowers. It felt like I was offering my heart, and it felt like each flower bound me tighter and tighter to Srila Gurudeva. One year, I worked at a booth selling posters of Syamarani didi's art inspired by Srila Gurudeva's transcendental harikatha and rose-like heart. When my Gurudeva heard that I had helped in this service, he gave me a very brilliant, sweet smile. I felt like it was a shot of love injected in my heart to stay there forever. That was one of the times I had made extra effort to serve him; it was one of the first times I felt, "Oh, I belong to this person - not to myself, not to family, but to him, this beautiful personality smiling at me."

He has so much love...it can flood the universe. I feel so indebted to have received that love...I am a small, nothing person, who does not learn - even after years of hearing his harikatha, I did not follow, I do not follow, I remain so confused and lost sometimes - and yet he accepted me, and he will never, ever let go. It is said that just ONE MOMENT with a pure devotee makes one's life successful...so how fortunate am I, to have gotten momentS, days, with His Divine Grace Srila Bhaktivedanta Narayana Goswami Maharaja? It is truly making the impossible possible, that I can have hope of serving Srimati Radhika and Krsna - and Gurudeva has given me this hope.

I want to share a song he wrote:

LYRICS:

(Refrain)

vraja-jana-mana-sukhakārī

rādhe syām syāmā syām

(1)

mor mukuṭa makarākṛta-kuṇḍala, gala vaijayantī-māla,

caraṇana nūpura rasāla

rādhe syām syāmā syām

(2)

sundara vadana kamala-dala locana, bākī cita-vana-hārī,

mohana-vaḿśī-vihārī

rādhe syām syāmā syām

(3)

vṛndāvana mê dhenu carāve, gopī-jana manahārī

śrī govardhana-dhārī

rādhe syām syāmā syām

(4)

rādhā-kṛṣṇa mili aba dou, gaura-rūpa avatārī

kīrtana dharma pracārī

rādhe syām syāmā syām

(5)

tum vinā mere aur na koi, nāma-rūpa avatārī

caraṇana meń balihārī,

nārāyaṇa balihārī,

rādhe syām syāmā syām

TRANSLATION

(Refrain) Krsna gives happiness in the hearts of all the Vrajavasis - Radhe! Syama! Syama! Syama!

1) He wears a peacock feather mukut, swinging makara-shaped earrings and a vaijayanti garland around His neck, and the sound of His anklebells is full of rasa! Radhe! Syama! Syama! Syama!

2) His lotus face is very beautiful and His eyes are like lotus-petals. Wandering here and there, He charms everyone with His flute and threefold curved form! Radhe! Syama! Syama! Syama!

3) In Vrndavana He tends the cows in the pastures, steals the gopis' minds, and holds up Sri Govardhana Hill! Radhe! Syama! Syama! Syama!

4) Sri Radha-Krsna have united and now the two have come as the beautiful golden avatara, preaching kirtana-dharma. Radhe! Syama! Syama! Syama!

5) I have no one but You in this world. You descend as the avatara of the beautiful name and beautiful form. Your lotus feet fill me with wonder - so this Narayana is filled with delight! Radhe! Syama! Syama! Syama!

Jai Srila Gurudeva! May his glories spread everywhere, and may I some day get the dust of his lotus feet not only externally, but internally, so that I can understand his heart and please him to the utmost...

- in service of sri guru and vaisnavas